The new thing

Just found this blog I wrote back in July.....




So lately everyone is talking about 50 Shades of Gray. I have no idea what the book is about much other than when I read the description on my kindle the first word to describe it was erotic. Now ladies if you were to happen on a book that your husband was reading and it had erotic as the first word about the book you know you would be so outraged that he was reading something like that. I am in the middle of a divorce and I cant bring myself to read it. I feel that if that book takes you places that your husband cant take you to then maybe you should step back and think about that. Don't be mad if you catch your husband reading Playboy etc., because thats what you are doing, just in book form with 3 books to read. Your mind will do the rest of the work with what it will picture.Maybe after I divorce I will feel okay reading it, but there are plenty other good story lines to read other than this book. Right now I still feel like looking or reading porn/erotic material is a form of adultery. This is what I think and I am not judging anyone else.

Now I am torn about Magic Mike as well. If I were happily married I wouldn't go see it just because once again I wouldn't want my husband going to a movie to see a story about a hot sexy stripper. I am jealous like that only because of what I have had to endure during my marriage. When I was little my parents would always say what if Jesus was sitting next to you? Would you still read to watch that movie? See the thing is, he IS sitting right next to you just because you cant see him doesn't mean he is not there. I have a hard time remembering that. He is everywhere no matter what. I am writing this to remind myself and only myself.


 I will be the first to tell you that ever since my husband cheated on me and asked for a divorce I have fallen away from God. My prayer life only consisted of asking why this is happening to my family. My anger was placed on God and my husbands last affair and not on the person it should have been. I am working on this everyday but it is very hard to do. When you love someone its hard to be really truly deeply mad at that person....but here is the thing, do I not love God more than my husband? Thats the kicker right there! For 16 years I always said God then my husband then the kids then everyone else is how I ranked the people in my life. I am questioning that now. I think I put God at the bottom and only brought him up to the top when I needed something.  Once we moved overseas I think I only brought him up to the top on Sundays. I was in such a deep depression that I blamed God for it when it was my fault the whole time. I let my feelings on things get the better of me and it made me into a person that my husband didn't love therefore he cheated on me once again. I kept letting what my husband kept doing make me feel like I wasn't worth loving and being faithful to. I figured if my own husband cant be faithful and love me then I must not be worth much at all. Then that starts a downward spiral of so many more things.

What am I doing about all this? First I will refrain from reading that book and from seeing the movie. Second I am going to put Jesus back on top and focus on being a better Christian. I have to stop trying to "win" my husband back when really he isn't a prize. God is the prize and living in heaven for eternity should be the focus. I focus on being a good parent for my kids. They need an example in their lives and thats what I am going to give them.

other blog

If you are reading this go over to my other blog www.dibollfamily.blogspot.com

The Sins of a Father

Found this blog sitting in the drafts I am not sure way I didn't push publish back then, I find it very interesting. Its the same feelings I have today with the newest affair but the sad thing is my husband doesn't share those feelings.





About 2 months ago my life came crashing down. It was to the point where if I tried to walk I would just fall. All I could do for several days is cry, cry so hard the pit of my stomach ached like I have never felt and never want to feel again. My marriage was about to end and I didnt know what to do. I was hit so hard with news that just about killed me. Actually I think I died inside at that moment, the moment when I found out the love of my life had given his heart and self to someone else or should I say to the devil?!? The devil has a sneeky way of getting into peoples lives and sitting there just waiting to make his perfect move. The move that he thought he was going to make was not the move we made. Yes, my husband cheated on me and had other multiple affairs of the heart but does that give me the right to run and divorce him? I dont think so. Does it give me the right to run out and cheat on him? Absolutly NOT! (did I think about that,YES would I do it NO) How can getting a divorce make the situtation any better? Does that help the person get better? You have to dig dip and get to the root of the problem of why that person is drawn to his or hers addictions. Sure apart of it is the Devil and the demons that lurk all around us. Its like they are holding your favorite candy out just taunting you when you are on a diet. When getting divorce you have to think about people besides yourself. I would never wish a split family on my children or anyone else! I had to step back and look at the big picture. I still love my husband no matter what has been done. It was easy to forgive him because I was reminded that God forgives us daily for our sins. A sin is a sin no matter what. Can I forget it like Christ does? No, but I know with prayer and ditication to my marriage it will slowly disappear and hopefully learn from it and move forward. I believe everything happens for a reason.

Funny...

So I have been blogging on my other blog www.dibollfamily.blogspot.com and I decided to click on this one to see what I blogged about last. Well the last time was when our family was dealing with my husbands last affairs, and here we are again dealing with the same thing but just worse. So I shall continue to pray and hope for the best. I will keep telling myself God wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle and I will look at this as an opportunity to grow in my faith and learn to be a strong woman that can count on the only person she can trust...God.

prayer

Been thinking a lot about Prayer. If it wasn't for prayer this last week our life as we know it could have ended badly or beyond badly. I want to challenge you people (if anyone is even reading this) to get on your knees every morning and ask God to lay his hands on you. At some point in the day pray with your family, just imagine how much good could come out of that and at night if you have a spouse, pray with him or her. Open your heart and show your weakness to the one you love.....just sayin' people, get.on.your.knees!

Prayer

Lately a bunch of things have been going wrong with our home, pool, cars etc. It seems like when it rains it pours around here! I was complaining about it the other day and JR said," well its the way we are"....huh? He said we needed to pray more. Does God really put things in our life to remind us to pray? I thought I was good about praying. I feel like I pray all the time. I think it is the devil, but is he actually capable of doing that? Can the devil see our heart and hear what we are saying in our head? I think God only has that power, but what do think? Sometimes I feel if I say something out loud to someone then the opposite actually happens. It that the devil or God saying live day by day and not make plans for tomorrow? What do you think, does the Devil have powers ?

Small Groups

Do you think Small Groups are effective? I am struggling with this right now. I don't know if it is because my heart just isn't in it or that one of my sisters family is in the group, but I just don't see it making a difference in my life. We have met some great people that I wouldn't have met any other way. How long do you stay in a small group/life group and feel you are getting all that it has to offer before moving on the something different? If you have any stories or thoughts, they are welcome!

I've Noticed

Since having to watch so much TV while I am down and out I have noticed that commercials these days have more "real stars" in them. Have y'all noticed that? Is it because all the TV networks are canceling all the actually TV shows and moving toward "reality" TV shows where they don't have to pay as much to produce these shows ? Whats up with that? I want to watch drama not reality drama! Just sayin'

Am I a "Martha"?

JR says in class on Sunday that I am a Martha! Man, did that make me mad at first, but then I started thinking, is it bad to be a "Martha"? Yes, I would rather be a "Mary", the type to sit down and take time to enjoy and listen but then who is going to do all the work?? He also tells everyone my dirty little secret.....the one that I stress over everything to make sure the house is perfect before we have company. So sorry I like to have everything in order so when guest come over they wont see what kind of boxers he wears or what the kids wrote on the mirror when they got out of the shower that morning. I just like things neat and in their place :) What's so wrong with that?! I am here to say that I may be a "Martha" but for now on I will try to be more of a "Mary". BEWARE...you may find out a lot more about our family than you wanted too but he asked for it.
Have you seen the TV show 30 days? Maybe I will try to not care about things so much for 30 days to see how it goes. Here are some Bible verses to see where I am coming from, talking about the whole Martha vs. Mary thing. Luke 10:38-42 also something to think about is Philippians 3:7-8 and Luke 14:25-35

BLAH...

That is what I feel like today! BLAH!!!! I have a lump in my throat and I just want to scream and cry,cause at everyone and tell them where to go ( I know not very Christan of me). I have no idea why I feel like this but, I do. JR is having to work today (which working on a Saturday SUCKS) he will be gone all next week traveling back and fourth from the "camp",my work load is getting bigger and bigger,the kids are having a hard time at school lately and I am sick of it ALL! My emotions are so crazy right now. I am just sick of life in general I guess. I am SICK of my foot hurting,I am SICK of being over weight, I am SICK of having debt! As you can tell I am just not in a good mood right now. Sorry! I just needed to get it out. I want to do so much and I cant do any of it right now,its very frustrating! I could go on and on but I am sure no one cares. I know everyone has bad days and I know several of my friends are going through some hard times right now but damn-it I am sick of everyone going through all that they are going through! I need a warm sunny day I think...just sayin' :)

I know I should be thanking God for a lot of things that have gone well lately. Prayers have been answered so far concerning my Dad and my sister. Now, since all that has gone well, I feel guilty to ask for more. I feel like God will just say,"Goodness Helen, how much are you going to ask for!" I think I may have guilt issues on top of all my other issues :) MAN I need to see somebody...I know! That is what blogging is for, I guess!

Just need to get stuff off my chest :)

I've got nothin'

On Monday I had foot surgery so I have been laid up in this bed ever since. Laying in the bed for hours on end is NOT fun,it is more painful than anything. My back is killing me and my legs keep cramping. I don't see how all those "half ton" people on TLC do it! Sure, I have people bringing me stuff and I have a TV,computer and books to keep my entertained but I would rather be walking around cleaning and going places. It's the kids spring break and I fell horrible I am not able to take them anywhere. Zac has been at my parents house and Ali has been here taking care of me. What a Spring break! I know I suck!! :(

Before surgery the nurse got a black sharpy marker and wrote "yes" on the top of my foot! I cant get that off to save my life. I have scrubbed with soap,alcohol and fingernail polish remover and I still have it! It has faded some but still very noticeable. Why couldn't they have used a sticker or better yet just read the paper that said LEFT foot. just sayin'

I feel the pain killers kicking in again so I better go before I start on subjects that I don't need to get on while drugged!

Thursday Feb.26th 2009

On this day I would like everyone to note that I, Helen Diboll has NOTHING to do! This is the first day is a VERY long time that my phone is not going off reminding to be somewhere or to call someone to make an appointment! It feels so weird to just be at the house with nothing really to do. Now there is always a floor to vacuum(did yesterday) or a room to dust(yesterday as well) but I have all day so why do it all right now(again) :) Before the kids went to school I had the refrigerator cleaned out of all the old stuff and wiped out clean so I was on a roll before most were up today. So anyways, if you know me you will know that I am kind of in a shock not knowing what to do with my day or myself! I could go shopping but I don't think JR would like that too much or I could go in Zac's room and clean it out,but I don't think he would like that very much so WHAT SHOULD I DO TODAY?? just askin'.....

Saturdays

On Fridays I work with a lady helping her clean a house that she has been cleaning for 30 years. She is getting older and I was brought in to basically do things she cant do. We talk a lot and she asked me a question a couple weeks ago that I cant stop thinking about. She asked me " Why does the Church of Christ not keep the Sabbath day Holy"? She goes to church on Saturdays and they believe that Jesus wanted it that way. Her whole family besides her is Church of Christ and no one can answer that question for her. I personally couldn't answer the question either. I asked her what about taking the Lord's Supper on the first day of the week and she couldn't answer my question. I feel that Saturday's not kept Holy and it is not just the Church of Christ that doesn't keep it Holy. She said what gives us the right to change what the Bible says. I don't think we changed what the Bible says to do but she really made me think. What are your thoughts. Are we supposed to keep the last day of the week Holy?

Your thougths please....

What are your thoughts on re-baptism? I have had somebody recently be very passive when it came to the subject of re-baptism. I was going to ask why he thought the way he did but I didn't want to start something, so I thought I would start it here.

When I was around 12 years old I was at Youth In Action with my Youth group from church. One night all my friends went forward after one of the speakers spoke and I thought they were getting baptized, so I went forward and said I wanted to be baptized. Come to find out they were just asking for prayers! It was too late I had to go through with it. I didn't want to say PSYCH or just kidding, I was 12 years old remember, I was just doing what everybody else was doing...so when I got more mature and actually knew what baptism was about I wanted to get re-baptized for the RIGHT reasons. Now should have just not done that and I said "my bad God, now I get it" or was what I did the right thing? What are your thoughts. I was doing what I felt I needed to do.....just sayin'

the two just dont mix!

These two things do not equal anything good when one, is in another! Today just hasn't been a very lucky day for me! As most of you know about a month ago my Palm Treo took a swim into the very nsaty and very green pool when I was trying to get it clean. Well, I got a new phone and today my new phone decides to jump out of my back pocket and dive into the lovely toilet at my parents house! What is it with my phone and wanting to swim? I cant imagine why they would want to dive into such a nasty place, I mean really!!

So my poor phone is now drying out and it will turn on for a second then it will start trying to text and do voice commands. If my phone calls you and there is no one at the other end....SORRY!

WHAT A DAY!!! just sayin'. Hope everyone had a better day than I did :)

2009 is coming!

I can not wait for 2009. So much happened in 2008 that I wish hadn't happened and some things that I am glad happened. I am not a person to make New Years Resolutions. I don't believe in them. I feel it sets you up for failure and I just don't want that. I do keep in my mind things I would like to accomplish but if I don't get them done, then maybe next year Lord willing I will get them done. I absolutely hate when people say I am going to loose weight and start my diet January 1st. Why not start now? Why wait until Monday or new years day?? In one of the blogs I read, they said here is a list of things I will not do in 2009, I still think you are setting yourself up, but whatever. So I am going to say "I will try to do these things". First, I want to be healthy. I want to get to a point where I feel great about myself and my appearance. Second, I want to learn to forgive and be happy. I am going to start now and not wait until 2009 though, just sayin' :)

Be done, move on!

Why do people these days feel they have to drag something out till there isn't anything to drag anymore? I just don't get why people can't forgive and move on. I am speaking to myself too! This world would be a happier place to live in if we were taught to love more and forgive more. Everyone at some point in their life has been hurt by someone and I think everyone just needs to grow up and move on. In class one Wednesday night a lady spoke up and said," You may ask God for forgiveness and he forgive you, but you still have to deal with the consequences that your sin brought on". I do think that is true to a point, but at sometime that consequences has to fade away! Be done, move on! Just sayin'

RAIN RAIN

GO AWAY! It just had to rain on the day I am getting all dressed up, what's up with that?! I am thankful for the rain dont get me wrong but,today why oh why!!!!

What the heck!!

So this morning the tornado sirens went off at 5:30AM. I know I should be grateful we have these things but why do they have to go off when there is NO tornado!!! I just sat down after getting JR off to work at 4:45am and I thought to myself "why go back to bed,just to wake up in an hour" so I got a cup of coffee and sat down to watch some much needed TV (I know, there is never a "need" to watch TV...roll with it) I get all cozy and start watching a DVR'd show and then all heck explodes. Sirens a-blarren (yes, a-blarren its a southern word), Ali crying, dogs barking! WOW what a way to tense a mom up! In the process of trying to switch the DVR to regular TV to see if my house was about to be sucked up into a whirl wind, I accidentally deleted my show!! I finally get the kids on the couch wrapped in blankets, the TV on the news, then they say The National Weather in B'ham jumped the gun a little too quickly the Tornado warning for Montgomery has expired! WHAT...so when we were possibly in danger the sirens DIDN'T go off BUT when we were no longer under the warning they go OFF...Hummm....maybe someone should check on that...I'm just sayin'

What is a Friend?

Webster says:
1 a: one attached to another by affection or esteem b: acquaintance2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group3: one that favors or promotes something (as a charity)4: a favored companion5capitalized : a member of a Christian sect that stresses Inner Light, rejects sacraments and an ordained ministry, and opposes war —called also Quaker
— friend·less \ˈfren(d)-ləs\ adjective
— friend·less·ness noun
— be friends with
: to have a friendship or friendly relationship with

Now here is what Helen says:

A friend is someone you can call anytime of day NO MATTER what. A friend is someone who truly knows the "real you".

In the Military some people have their A,B and C friends. Each letter stands for the level of friendship. (A) is the person that you call and they will be on a plane coming to be by your side and, are also B and C combine. (B) is a friend that you call a couple times a month if you live far way and if you live in the same town you go to dinner etc. (C) is the friend you can catch up with and it be the same as the day you left. Now,I know that may sound weird to you, but it is true! I have those friends, but never thought of it that way until I heard a friend here explain it.

My true friends know when I am hurting and can tell by my voice or the look in my eyes that I need to talk and they will be there to listen.

So do you have your A,B and C friends? Do you agree or disagree?

Oh and girls (insert sassy Helen talk here) *Dont be asking which one you are! (hand on hip and pointer-finger in the air)

**To have a friend you must be a friend....I'm just say'n**