Friday, September 7, 2012

The new thing

Just found this blog I wrote back in July.....

So lately everyone is talking about 50 Shades of Gray. I have no idea what the book is about much other than when I read the description on my kindle the first word to describe it was erotic. Now ladies if you were to happen on a book that your husband was reading and it had erotic as the first word about the book you know you would be so outraged that he was reading something like that. I am in the middle of a divorce and I cant bring myself to read it. I feel that if that book takes you places that your husband cant take you to then maybe you should step back and think about that. Don't be mad if you catch your husband reading Playboy etc., because thats what you are doing, just in book form with 3 books to read. Your mind will do the rest of the work with what it will picture.Maybe after I divorce I will feel okay reading it, but there are plenty other good story lines to read other than this book. Right now I still feel like looking or reading porn/erotic material is a form of adultery. This is what I think and I am not judging anyone else.

Now I am torn about Magic Mike as well. If I were happily married I wouldn't go see it just because once again I wouldn't want my husband going to a movie to see a story about a hot sexy stripper. I am jealous like that only because of what I have had to endure during my marriage. When I was little my parents would always say what if Jesus was sitting next to you? Would you still read to watch that movie? See the thing is, he IS sitting right next to you just because you cant see him doesn't mean he is not there. I have a hard time remembering that. He is everywhere no matter what. I am writing this to remind myself and only myself.

 I will be the first to tell you that ever since my husband cheated on me and asked for a divorce I have fallen away from God. My prayer life only consisted of asking why this is happening to my family. My anger was placed on God and my husbands last affair and not on the person it should have been. I am working on this everyday but it is very hard to do. When you love someone its hard to be really truly deeply mad at that person....but here is the thing, do I not love God more than my husband? Thats the kicker right there! For 16 years I always said God then my husband then the kids then everyone else is how I ranked the people in my life. I am questioning that now. I think I put God at the bottom and only brought him up to the top when I needed something.  Once we moved overseas I think I only brought him up to the top on Sundays. I was in such a deep depression that I blamed God for it when it was my fault the whole time. I let my feelings on things get the better of me and it made me into a person that my husband didn't love therefore he cheated on me once again. I kept letting what my husband kept doing make me feel like I wasn't worth loving and being faithful to. I figured if my own husband cant be faithful and love me then I must not be worth much at all. Then that starts a downward spiral of so many more things.

What am I doing about all this? First I will refrain from reading that book and from seeing the movie. Second I am going to put Jesus back on top and focus on being a better Christian. I have to stop trying to "win" my husband back when really he isn't a prize. God is the prize and living in heaven for eternity should be the focus. I focus on being a good parent for my kids. They need an example in their lives and thats what I am going to give them.

other blog

If you are reading this go over to my other blog

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

The Sins of a Father

Found this blog sitting in the drafts I am not sure way I didn't push publish back then, I find it very interesting. Its the same feelings I have today with the newest affair but the sad thing is my husband doesn't share those feelings.

About 2 months ago my life came crashing down. It was to the point where if I tried to walk I would just fall. All I could do for several days is cry, cry so hard the pit of my stomach ached like I have never felt and never want to feel again. My marriage was about to end and I didnt know what to do. I was hit so hard with news that just about killed me. Actually I think I died inside at that moment, the moment when I found out the love of my life had given his heart and self to someone else or should I say to the devil?!? The devil has a sneeky way of getting into peoples lives and sitting there just waiting to make his perfect move. The move that he thought he was going to make was not the move we made. Yes, my husband cheated on me and had other multiple affairs of the heart but does that give me the right to run and divorce him? I dont think so. Does it give me the right to run out and cheat on him? Absolutly NOT! (did I think about that,YES would I do it NO) How can getting a divorce make the situtation any better? Does that help the person get better? You have to dig dip and get to the root of the problem of why that person is drawn to his or hers addictions. Sure apart of it is the Devil and the demons that lurk all around us. Its like they are holding your favorite candy out just taunting you when you are on a diet. When getting divorce you have to think about people besides yourself. I would never wish a split family on my children or anyone else! I had to step back and look at the big picture. I still love my husband no matter what has been done. It was easy to forgive him because I was reminded that God forgives us daily for our sins. A sin is a sin no matter what. Can I forget it like Christ does? No, but I know with prayer and ditication to my marriage it will slowly disappear and hopefully learn from it and move forward. I believe everything happens for a reason.


So I have been blogging on my other blog and I decided to click on this one to see what I blogged about last. Well the last time was when our family was dealing with my husbands last affairs, and here we are again dealing with the same thing but just worse. So I shall continue to pray and hope for the best. I will keep telling myself God wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle and I will look at this as an opportunity to grow in my faith and learn to be a strong woman that can count on the only person she can trust...God.

Monday, August 2, 2010


Been thinking a lot about Prayer. If it wasn't for prayer this last week our life as we know it could have ended badly or beyond badly. I want to challenge you people (if anyone is even reading this) to get on your knees every morning and ask God to lay his hands on you. At some point in the day pray with your family, just imagine how much good could come out of that and at night if you have a spouse, pray with him or her. Open your heart and show your weakness to the one you love.....just sayin' people, get.on.your.knees!

Monday, August 10, 2009


Lately a bunch of things have been going wrong with our home, pool, cars etc. It seems like when it rains it pours around here! I was complaining about it the other day and JR said," well its the way we are"....huh? He said we needed to pray more. Does God really put things in our life to remind us to pray? I thought I was good about praying. I feel like I pray all the time. I think it is the devil, but is he actually capable of doing that? Can the devil see our heart and hear what we are saying in our head? I think God only has that power, but what do think? Sometimes I feel if I say something out loud to someone then the opposite actually happens. It that the devil or God saying live day by day and not make plans for tomorrow? What do you think, does the Devil have powers ?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Small Groups

Do you think Small Groups are effective? I am struggling with this right now. I don't know if it is because my heart just isn't in it or that one of my sisters family is in the group, but I just don't see it making a difference in my life. We have met some great people that I wouldn't have met any other way. How long do you stay in a small group/life group and feel you are getting all that it has to offer before moving on the something different? If you have any stories or thoughts, they are welcome!